


This Bittersweet World

by viktory_arts



Series: haikyuu!! oneshots & stories [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Tokyo Ghoul, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bigotry & Prejudice, F/F, F/M, Human/Ghoul Relationships, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance, Violence, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:48:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28571019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viktory_arts/pseuds/viktory_arts
Summary: "Hinata Shouyou was one of those ghouls; born into a world where human-ghoul relations were shaky and unstable at best and downright violent at worst. Humans feared ghouls, so Shouyou pretended to be human to negate this. His mother always told him to hide his nature or he would be killed for not coming out sooner to the government.And so he did.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Sugawara Koushi, Hinata Shouyou & Yachi Hitoka, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Series: haikyuu!! oneshots & stories [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2089848
Comments: 22
Kudos: 66





	1. An Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to the heckin' chonker i'm planning this fic to be. let me know how you feel about this; i'm very excited to show it off!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An introduction to the world Hinata Shouyou lives in.

Ghouls were slowly and painfully integrating with the rest of human society. No one thought it was actually going to come into fruition. There had been many official meetings (never, of course, with  _ ghouls _ because what if they  _ hurt _ someone?) in governmental settings about the topic. Usually the talks boiled down to “they look and act human, is that enough for them to be treated  _ as _ humans?” to which the officials would then share personal accounts of their interactions with ghouls; from the pleasant to the life-altering horrific ones.

The CCG (Commission of Counter Ghoul) was obviously against all of the talks of allowing ghouls to integrate.

_ “What about our jobs? More than two-thirds of the workers will have to be cut!” _

_ “They’re man-eating monsters that can  _ only _ sustain themselves on human meat!”  _

_ “All ghouls are much stronger than us, and if we allow them societal power, where will ours go?” _ Were a few of the many, many arguments the CCG had against ghoul integration. Ghoul sympathizers, as they were called, argued as best they could. Telling the government officials that they looked and acted human, and therefore they were humans, that there were scientists out there looking for a substitute for human meat for the ghouls to eat. 

Germany had the first breakthrough regarding the diets for ghouls. They found that adding artificially made RC cells to cow meat was a nearly perfect substitute for human meat for ghouls. It tasted horrendous, most ghouls claimed, but they could digest it and it gave them nearly as much nutrients as the proper source. Soon, the United States, Canada, and England pushed for more research to be done about the meat substitute. Japan was reluctant about the whole ordeal, as they had the worst number of ghoul-related incidents from the Asia continent, even beating out places with a surplus amount of population like India and China, but eventually conceded and put forth money toward the experiment. South America and Africa were soon to follow suit, having their best and brightest on the project.

After about two years of testing, the meat substitute was given the all-clear and was on the market that the government controlled. They didn’t want to put the meat in stores as it could lead to human-ghoul violence. The CCG was slowly rebranding themselves as an institute. They were actually the ones to deliver the meat packages. They did this so that “untrained civilians” wouldn’t have to be put in the danger of going into a ghoul’s home. Very few ghouls actually did this, however. It meant that they had to give up their guise of being human and give their names and faces to the government. 

Then came the official greenlight for the Ghoul Integration Movement in the United States. Rallies and riots started to happen all around the world after this, demanding that now that ghouls were given an alternative from their original diets, that they should be seen as people in the eyes of the law. That they looked human because they  _ were _ human. 

Then the Manchester March happened. In the early hours of the morning, starting from five in the morning till the same time the next day, ghouls marched silently all around Manchester. Many held signs and as far as the local police could tell, they brought no weapons. The march contained ten-thousand ghouls and three-thousand humans, all marching in solidarity with no violence. The orchestrator of the march was stopped by human news-casting stations and he said the same thing over and over.

_ “We die the same as you.” _

That phrase became something of a mantra for the ghoul movement. It was written on signs and the sides of buildings and was often said at the end of interviews with ghouls. It was the final spark needed for ghoul society to unite to obtain human rights for themselves and not have to hide what they were anymore. 

With the unrest happening all around the world, surprisingly, Japan was the first country to allow ghouls rights. They extended some of the human’s lawful rights to them. They made it so that ghouls could not be hunted without reason-- although the human-ghoul violence was still  _ very _ prominent in the beginning. 

But in contrast to all the good that Japan did for their ghoul population, they also made it nigh impossible for them to get jobs or go to school normally. If someone thought that you were a ghoul in hiding, you had to go in for testing to see if you actually were a ghoul. Ghouls who were in hiding were punished. Eventually, the Japanese government made ghouls wear a pin on all of their clothes; a singular sewn kakugan eye that made sure the humans around them knew that they were interacting with a ghoul for safety precautions. The ghouls were outraged and fought back, but were put in their place when police officers and CCG members started to enforce the Ghoul Recognition Act. Any ghoul found not wearing the badge would be seen as a threat and it would be determined by the courts if the ghoul was committing an act worthy of severe punishment.

Japan’s system soon became the norm for most countries. Ghoul sympathizers were quick to point out how the Ghoul Recognition Act was not dissimilar at all to how Nazi Germany ostrasized Jewish people. These claims fell on deaf ears and were shut down.

_ “It would be different if they were human.” _

Many ghouls were more scared of the authorities finding out that they were ghouls and being caught rather than trying to blend in with human society and live life as normally and as unproblematically as possible. 

Ghouls were allowed to play sports, attend normal schools, get married (to other ghouls), and were allowed to get jobs (so long as the employers were willing and consenting to it, of course), which were laws allowed by the world powers as a peace offering for the Ghoul Recognition Act. Most peaceful ghouls settled with this, hoping that things would change with time and that someone stronger than them would fight against the oppression the government was causing for ghouls. Many were content with not being actively hunted by the CCG. 

Hinata Shouyou was one of those ghouls; born into a world where human-ghoul relations were shaky and unstable at best and downright violent at worst. Humans feared ghouls, so Shouyou pretended to be human to negate this. His mother always told him to hide his nature or he would be killed for not coming out sooner to the government.

And so he did.

***

Shouyou often found himself wishing he was just a human. Sure, his ghoulish nature made it so he had naturally better athletic abilities when it came to volleyball, such as speed and stamina (sadly not much in strength, something Shouyou totally  _ wasn’t _ bitter about). But the pros of being human often weighed out the cons. He had an ongoing list in his head about the whole ordeal. He’d had his whole life to compile the list so it was extensive, but it could usually be narrowed down to three main points:

_ 1.) He couldn’t eat human food. _

Kind of a small and insignificant reason but Shouyou has had time to realize that he didn’t much care how petty the reason was. He always imagined what it’d be like to eat birthday cake or ice-cream without it tasting like boiled garbage and fish oil. His friends at his birthday parties were always  _ so _ excited for cake and Shouyou was always  _ so _ excited for them to leave so that they could give away the rest of the cake. It smelled good and the frosting always felt sticky but pleasant on his fingers, but he couldn’t enjoy it. He had to choke it down every year at his or his friend’s birthday parties-- otherwise he might be caught being suspicious. As Shouyou said, his friends were always ecstatic to eat cake, and a young energetic boy like Shouyou should be as well.

_ 2.) His friends were never around for long. _

Shouyou had to move a lot as a kid. His mother worked very hard as a nurse (how she kept her nature a secret was beyond Shouyou, but he was kind of an idiot like Kageyama likes to remind him, so maybe it wasn’t as hard as he thought it was). She worked so hard so that she could have the funds to move from place to place, never to settle otherwise the neighborhood could catch onto their secret. It made it hard for both Shouyou and his little sister Natsu to make and keep friends. Even with Shouyou’s cell phone that he got in his third year of middle school, it was still difficult to remain friendly with the people so far away. Izumi and Kouji were his closest friends in middle school, but now they barely interacted besides a few and far off texts trying to catch up with one another. 

_ 3.) He could die at any moment. _

If someone finds him suspicious of being a ghoul, it was certain death for him and his family. It had been eight years since the Ghoul Integration Act. Natsu had just been born after the start of it. Shouyou didn’t understand a lot, but he  _ knew _ how important it was to stay hidden. To not have the kakugan eye pin on his chest as an alarm to the general public that he wasn’t human. That he was a danger to society for existing.

So, yeah. Those three points on his list (amongst numerous others) were why Shouyou wished he was human. It just would make life a thousand times easier and much more enjoyable.

_ ‘Or an ghoul uprising could happen and all these stupid anti-ghoul laws could be lifted,’ _ Shouyou thought to himself as he flicked an eraser shaving off of his desk, boredom making his body feel heavy like lead. He was in English class, something that he  _ sucked _ spectacularly at. But Kageyama sucked at it too, so it was okay. Yachi could help him study later, he surmised after he came to the conclusion that he wasn’t going to pay attention for the rest of the class.

He looked out the window to see a CCG-qualified police officer carrying a gun and a quinque with him. The quinque was a severed part of a dead ghoul’s kagune, which was disturbing on  _ so _ many levels. Shouyou tried not to think about it too much as it made him feel sad whenever he did.

The police officer was there to protect the students from ghoul attacks. So if any of the student body or the one ghoul teacher went off the deep end, he could save the humans from harm. None of the ghouls around here would  _ ever _ do that as they were far too afraid of death to do something like that. The ghoul student body was always under heavy scrutiny. Any step out of line and there would be repercussions. It was bittersweet, but Shouyou was thankful that he was hiding to an extent. He never had to deal with the scathing looks the other students would give the ghouls. He never had to feel in danger for the reason that people  _ knew _ what he was. Shouyou felt sorry for the ghouls that were out.

There were a couple of ghouls on his volleyball team; all of them were much quieter and scarcely touched the human members of the team, even for a high-five after a good play. Coach Ukai was thankfully not a bigot in the sense that he hated the ghoul members of his team, but he certainly was wary of them and they all knew it. Sugawara, Nishinoya, Ennoshita, Yamaguchi, and Kiyoko were all the ghouls that were out on the team. Shouyou tried to be as nice as possible and give them high-fives and slap their backs when they did something good and give tips when they didn’t do so great. 

He hoped that his efforts were appreciated.

The bell rang, breaking Shouyou from his thoughts and signaling that the day was over. The redhead shot up from his seat and rushed out of the classroom like he did every day, his brown leather knapsack flapping wildly at his sides. He sped through the halls, knocking into more than a few of the other students in his endeavor to get outside the school so he could race Kageyama to the clubroom. 

He turned around to look behind him to make sure that Kageyama wasn’t on his tail when he suddenly ran into somebody.

“Ow, ow, ow…” Shouyou groaned, rubbing his head where it had collided with the person’s backpack full of hard-cover books. When he looked up, he was mortified to see it was Sugawara who he had ran into at full force. The other’s face was filled with concern and looking wildly around with his eyes to see if anyone had noticed their little run-in.

_ ‘Probably checking to make sure everyone saw that it was  _ my  _ fault,’ _ thought Shouyou as he adjusted the strap on his knapsack. One could never be too careful as a ghoul supposedly “hurting” a human student.

They had been killed for less, after all.

“Are you okay, Hinata-san?” Sugawara asked quietly. Shouyou nodded and grinned from ear to ear to show that he was alright, ignoring the throbbing of his forehead. He didn’t want to worry Sugawara.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I didn’t hurt you when I ran into you, did I?” Shouyou asked worriedly. Sugawara shook his head and smiled warmly, now used to Shouyou’s antics. The short teen glanced at the clock behind Sugawara’s head and saw the time, eyes widening.

“Ah crap, Kageyama’s totally gonna beat me! Sorry, Sugawara-san. I’ll see you in a little bit!” As he said this, he started to backpedal. The ash-gray haired teen simply shook his head and gave a little wave. Shouyou didn’t hear if the other had said anything in response as he ran full-tilt to the back entrance of the school, which was three minutes faster than using the front of the building. His legs were burning because he hadn’t stretched before his sprint, but he ignored it in favor of bounding towards the doors that led outdoors.

Breaking free of the confines of the building, Shouyou smelled the spring air and grinned as he breathed heavily and continued his sprint. The sky was a bright blue with a few clouds and the sun was warm on his black-uniformed clothed skin. He broke out into a sweat as he rounded the corner of the building to see the clubroom and was disappointed to see Kageyama already standing there. 

“What took you so long, dumbass?” The angsty teen asked when Shouyou stopped at the entrance of the clubroom to stand beside the other. He was trying to catch his breath as he replied.

“I bumped into Sugawara-san on my way here.” Kageyama raised a single dark brow and reached into his pocket to get the key that Daichi had entrusted them with. He unlocked the door, opening it with a gentle  _ click.  _

“What’d he have to say?” Kageyama asked and Shouyou shrugged, shouldering past the other to make his way towards his sports bag. He unzipped it and pulled out his clothes before he responded.

“I just ran into him and knocked my head into his backpack. I was too busy trying to get here to beat you to the clubroom to stay and chat.” Shouyou responded and Kageyama did some sort of grunt. The redhead pulled his white practice t-shirt over his head and then his practice jersey. He was in the middle of pulling up his shorts when Kageyama spoke again.

“We should invite Sugawara-san to join us in our early practices,” he said carefully as he sprayed an aerosol can of pain reliever on his ankle. Shouyou stopped for a second, surprised. Kageyama was never outright  _ mean _ to their ghoulish teammates, but he was never  _ nice _ to them either. But of course, he wasn’t anything but cool and calculating when it came to volleyball (unless he was yelling at Shouyou). 

“Yeah, we should. I’ll ask him when he shows up today.” Shouyou replied with warmth filling his response. He was a little sad to think that their early practices that were just the two of them would expand to Sugawara-san, but he found that he didn’t mind quite so much when it was  _ Kageyama _ who asked about adding him. They changed in silence after that, but it was a comfortable one.

Once they were ready, they raced towards the gym. Shouyou thought that their little races were both the most frustrating and the highlights of his day. They were in their own little world when Shouyou suddenly stopped, sniffing the air. 

It smelled like copper.

Kageyama paused as well, shooting the other a dirty look, then a confused one when he saw the expression on the redhead’s face. He turned to see…

“Kageyama, go get someone.” Shouyou said slowly. Kageyama stood there, frozen with shock. Shouyou understood, but he knew that he would be more useful here rather than the angry teen behind him.

“Kageyama!” Shouyou barked and the other sprinted in the direction of the school. The redhead leaned down, placing a hand onto the dirt ground.

There, lying passed out, was Yachi. With a chunk of her shoulder bitten out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> talk to me through these! also check out more of my works!
> 
> tumblr: [viktory_arts](https://viktory-arts.tumblr.com)  
> instagram: [viktoryyy_arts](https://www.instagram.com/viktoryyy_arts/)  
> twitter: [viktoryyy_arts](https://twitter.com/viktoryyy_arts/)


	2. Everything Moves so Fast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata helps Yachi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm impressed with myself for pumping out another chapter so quickly. i hope i don't get burnout, or at least that i finish this story before i do.
> 
> enjoy! :)

“Yachi-san,” Shouyou shook the girl’s unhurt shoulder. He gulped at the scent of her blood, feeling his stomach growl hungrily. He hadn’t eaten in a month and he was just  _ so hungry,  _ but he would  _ never _ hurt anyone. He only ate suicide victims that happened at the bridge of the mountain. She just smelled so good… 

The girl’s face contorted into pain, breaking Shouyou of his thoughts. He leaned down into the girl’s space, trying to check for more injuries. It just seemed to be her shoulder, thankfully. The wound itself was oozing blood and the muscle was torn through with obvious care as it didn’t look like it was ripped off, rather chewed through. Her white Karasuno Volleyball manager’s shirt was dyed red and brown from the drying blood. Shouyou wondered with hurriedness where the hell Kageyama was with that teacher, coach, police officer,  _ anyone. _

Shouyou ripped off his shirt, wrapping it around the gaping shoulder wound Yachi was sporting. He tied it tightly and heard her groan from pain. Her eyes were glassy when they finally opened, clouded by pain.

“Hinata…kun…?” She whispered groggily. Shouyou nodded at her and she flinched from the throbbing and burning pain of her shoulder. Her eyes cleared up slightly, though they were still filled with cloudiness. 

“Wh’t… happ’n’d?” She slurred and Shouyou shushed her gently. He applied pressure to her wound and she yelped. Shouyou grimaced. He hated doing this. He wasn’t a doctor, and he had no basic first-aid supplies. A ghoul would just heal after eating, humans weren’t the same; they had to wait to heal, and a wound like this could take  _ months _ to fully recover from. He sighed.

“It’ll be okay. Just hold on, Yachi-san.” He soothed and Yachi’s eyes closed again.  _ ‘Where the hell is Kageyama?!’ _ Shouyou screamed in his head. He didn’t want to move Yachi for fear of hurting her more. 

Soon after he thought that, though, footsteps could be heard behind Shouyou. He turned in relief before he tensed when he saw who it was. 

It was the CCG regulated police officer. It made sense, but that didn’t mean that Shouyou didn’t feel nervous when the man ran towards him and lightly pushed him out of the way. He turned to look at Shouyou, checking his shirt to see if there was that damned pin that could mean his end if he’d had one. The police officer nodded his head slightly then turned his attention to Yachi. 

He knelt down, long white coat soaking in the blood that had been pooling around the area Yachi was sitting in. He analysed the t-shirt with suspicion and saw that Shouyou was shirtless.

“My mom’s a nurse,” Shouyou quickly said in lieu of explanation. The man seemed to take it at face value and the redhead’s shoulders relaxed slightly. The man lightly touched the t-shirt wrapped wound, Yachi groaning in response. He sighed and pulled out a cell phone from his pocket. He quickly tapped in the passcode and immediately went to the phone app and typed in the phone number that was on most billboards. It was the number that haunted Shouyou’s life silently.

It was the CCG’s emergency line for ghoul attacks.

“Yes, it’s Natsume Rin. We have an emergency at Karasuno high school. There has been an attack on a student, identified as Yachi Hitoka. Shoulder-bite wound. Bring an ambulance.” The man said this all in quick succession. He said some other things, but Shouyou tuned it out in favor of turning his attention to Kageyama.

The black-haired boy seemed to be on the verge of throwing up. His face was pale and as hard as he was trying to hide his fear, he was shaking. His hands were balled into fists, clenching them so hard the skin around his knuckles was turning a sickly shade of white. Shouyou placed a tentative hand on his forearm, not wanting to scare him more. 

Kageyama glanced down at him, eyes telling a thousand words and just grunted. He was trying so, so hard to keep it together. If Shouyou saw him squeeze his eyes shut when the police officer picked up Yachi and she screamed out in pain, he didn’t say anything, just squeezed his arm harder. Shouyou wasn’t faring much better, but he knew how to hide it better. His mind was rushing with all sorts of things.

_ ‘Who did this?’ _

_ ‘What’s going to happen now that there’s been an explicit ghoul attack on school grounds?’ _

_ ‘Why did they do this?’ _

_ ‘Why Yachi?’ _

“Kids,” The man called out and both of them turned to the man. He had a grim, but neutral look on his face and his voice sounded the same.

“You each have to give a statement to the CCG for this incident. Follow me and we’ll get you a piece of paper to write it down on. You may be asked in for further questioning if we deem it necessary.” He said simply and Shouyou felt the blood drain from his face. He’d best be as detailed as possible when he wrote down his statement, because the RC cell detector at the CCG would reveal his nature in a second and everything Shouyou and his family had built up to this moment would be all for naught. 

“Of course, sir.” Shouyou eventually and he let go of Kageyama’s arm. He bit his lip and Kageyama started to march after the officer, grabbing Shouyou’s wrist as he did so. 

“Come on, dumbass. We’d better get this done so we can go back to volleyball practice.” Kageyama demanded without looking behind him. Shouyou didn’t have the heart to tell him that there probably would be a break from volleyball activities for a little while after an attack like this. But he trudged along anyways.

***

Writing the statement was easy enough. Shouyou  _ didn’t _ know very much besides the fact that he and Kageyama had seen Yachi lying on the ground with a chunk bitten out of her shoulder. He had wrapped the wound with his shirt, trying to stop the bleeding as best he could. Then he waited for Kageyama to bring someone to help Yachi. That was it.

He nervously turned in the paper with his statement to the officer’s awaiting hands. Shouyou took a deep breath and stepped outside the counselor’s office that was being used for student’s statements. At least, for the  _ human _ students. The ghoul students were all being interrogated in the dean’s office. A whole team of CCG agents were there, standing guard around the doorway leading to the dean’s office. The ghoul students were lined up outside the door, some sitting others standing and talking quietly amongst themselves. The humans that passed them by gave them scathing looks. 

Yamaguchi then exited the dean’s room, even his freckles looking pale. His eyes were watery and he looked clammy. Sugawara rushed to his side and sat him down next to Nishinoya and Ennoshita. Shouyou glanced around to see if any of the agents were paying attention and was delighted to note that they were all busy escorting the new ghoul to the office. Shouyou made his way over to them, lightly stepping around the other ghouls.

“Hey,” Shouyou introduced and they looked up. Sugawara gave a weak, timid smile in response. Yamaguchi just shrunk deeper into himself and stuffed his head into his knees. Shouyou’s gentle smile dropped slightly.

“Are you guys okay?” He asked and Nishinoya scoffed. Ennoshita shot him a look and the short libero sighed.

“Yeah, just waiting to figure out who did the attack.” Nishinoya said lowly. Ennoshita nodded and placed a hand on Yamaguchi’s shoulder, shaking him slightly before he gave an apologetic look to Shouyou. The redhead shook his head, understanding in his features.

“They said that it had to be one of the students, as the only ghoul teacher here was still in her room when the bell rang. The cameras and secretaries didn’t show any other people entering Karasuno, either.” Ennoshita relayed and Shouyou nodded, crossing his arms. His eyebrows were scrunched together in thought. He sat down next to Sugawara, to which the third year scooted closer to the second years to make room.

“Why Yachi, though?” He asked and Nishinoya gave a helpless and frustrated shrug. 

“No one knows,” he said with no small amount of venom. “But whoever did it is gonna be sorry they messed with our manager.” He threatened quietly and Sugawara shushed him and glanced around frantically. When he saw that none of the agents had looked over at the obvious threat, he sighed and glared at Nishinoya.

“Noya, you  _ know _ you can’t say that. Things will be bad enough after this incident…” Sugawara trailed off and the mood darkened. Sugawara was right. Things would be  _ very _ different after that day. The ghoul-human relationship was strained at best at Karasuno, but now this gave the human students “cause” for being afraid and reporting them for the smallest of things. Shouyou sighed and tried to put on a smile, but it just felt like he was squinting his eyes and pulling unnaturally at his lips to try and mimic a smile.

“Things won’t be like this forever, things’ll calm down eventually.” He tried to be optimistic. He was going to say more but was interrupted by a soft voice.

“Things won’t ‘get better’, not for creatures like us.” Yamaguchi spat out and Sugawara patted his back. He glanced back over to Shouyou and gave a smile that was thousands of years old.

“Sorry, I know what you’re trying to do,” Sugawara apologized, “but Yamaguchi’s right. Things will take a long,  _ long _ time for them to get better. Ghouls just got rights.” He said and Shouyou wanted to tell him that he  _ did _ understand. That he was  _ one  _ of them.

But he couldn’t.

So he didn’t.

“Yeah, well…” Shouyou stuttered and then a thought came to his head. “The team will always be here for you, ghoul or not. I’ll make sure of it.” He promised and he could tell the four ghouls didn’t believe him, but they all (besides Yamaguchi, whose face was still buried in his knees) smiled at him.

“You’re a good person, Shouyou.” Nishinoya whispered and Shouyou nodded gratefully and gave a slight smile to the other ghoul. 

_ ‘I’m really not,’  _ Shouyou thought,  _ ‘if I was a good person, I wouldn’t be hiding like a coward and actually try to help you more than just some overly-optimistic words.’ _ But he couldn’t say any of this, so he didn’t. He sat there with his teammates as Yamaguchi cried softly into the cave of his knees. 

Eventually, Kageyama left the counselor's office, a grim look on his already serious face. He looked around, obviously trying to find Shouyou and spotted him near his teammates. He started to make his way over stiffly, carefully avoiding the ghouls sitting on the floor. He looked uncomfortable, but like he was trying to hide it. Shouyou appreciated the effort and he thought that his other teammates did too.

“Is Yamaguchi okay?” Kageyama asked quietly and Ennoshita shook his head. Nishinoya scoffed.

“Does anyone here look okay?” He questioned snarkily and Kageyama’s face went blank. He was obviously trying to keep his temper in check, and thankfully he did. He usually didn’t do well when people were rude to him.

“Sorry, that was insensitive,” he apologized and bowed his head slightly. Sugawara waved his hand around.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” He assured and Kageyama nodded slightly. After a few more seconds that got increasingly more awkward, the black-haired human shot Shouyou a look. The redhead sighed, catching the other’s unsaid message.

“We should get going,” Shouyou said gently and Sugawara nodded. The gray-haired teen gave them a smile.

“We’ll be here.” He said and the look in his eyes said so much more than what his mouth did. Shouyou patted his shoulder and stood up. Shouyou felt bad leaving them, but they couldn’t do much of anything here or today, and Shouyou couldn’t emotionally help them either because he was perceived as human. So the pair bid their farewells and walked out the door where two CCG agents eyed them. Shouyou couldn’t help but feel a sense of being watched by the doves (an older name for the CCG agents that were common around ghoul societies before the Ghoul Integration Act) even after they had left the premises of Karasuno.

Shouyou kept looking over his shoulder, but saw nothing. He couldn’t smell anyone besides Kageyama who was right next to him. He’d have to look again before he went home. He didn’t want to bring doves right to his door if he didn’t have to. An idea popped into Shouyou’s head.

“Can I stay over at your place?” Shouyou asked Kageyama as they reached the point that was the middle ground between their houses. He seemed to think about it for a few seconds before he just grumbled a response.

“Just make sure your mom’s okay with it,” he said and Shouyou squealed with delight. Kageyama almost  _ never _ said yes to his requests to visit his house. After quickly texting his mom (he would call her about the situation later), Shouyou looked up to see Kageyama’s eyes flicking around the sunset-lit streets. He seemed to be looking for something and Shouyou immediately knew why he had said yes to the impromptu sleepover.

_ ‘Either he’s scared for me or for himself to walk home after what happened.’ _ Shouyou surmised and shifted his grip on his sports bag.

“Hurry up, dumbass. I don’t want to be out when it’s dark.” Kageyama swatted the back of his head and Shouyou yelped. He then started to chase after the taller boy when he started to sprint in the direction of his house.

_ ‘As awful as that day was,’  _ Shouyou thought to himself,  _ ‘and as awful the days ahead are going to be, I’m glad I can have this moment.’ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me what you think!
> 
> talk to me through these! also check out more of my works!
> 
> tumblr: [viktory_arts](https://viktory-arts.tumblr.com)  
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	3. Philosophical Thoughts From a Supposed Idiot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata goes big brain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how are y'all? it's me again, updating after less than like 24 hours. welcome to my personal hell.

Shouyou stepped into the small but quaint house of the Kageyama’s, toeing off his white shoes. Looking around, he saw that the house led into the living room right off the bat. The walls were made up with large windows lined with dark hardwood. The room itself was small, but not cramped. It was actually somehow spacious and cold. Everything looked far too clean for where an active teenage boy lived. There were family pictures that sat on the table and countertops, all of them starring Kageyama in them. There was one hanging on the wall, however, that had a fourth member. While Kageyama took his time to take off his sneakers, Shouyou stared intently at the picture. 

There was young Kageyama--maybe around six or seven, his mother and his father, and a girl that looked to be about fourteen. She sported the same facial structure as her parents and Kageyama. She stood tall in the formal family portrait. She was probably about as tall as Kageyama was at the moment.

“Is that your sister?” Shouyou blurted and Kageyama’s head whipped around to see where the redhead was pointing. His face darkened and he forcefully tugged off his left shoe.

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to--” Shouyou tried to amend, but was stopped when Kageyama interrupted him. His voice was monotone and flat, which made it a thousand times worse to Shouyou.

“She was my sister. She died.” Shouyou bit his lip hard enough that it almost drew blood. A deep pang of sadness dug itself in his chest. 

“I’m sorry,” Shouyou mumbled quietly and Kageyama just shook his head. His eyes were soulless when he looked into brown ones. 

“It happened a couple of years ago. It’s fine.” He said shortly. Shouyou gave him a calculating look, eyes gazing over the other’s expression with trepidation. 

“Sorry for bringing it up.” Shouyou apologized, to which Kageyama just shrugged again. He looked around and saw that none of the lights were on in the house and remembered that Kageyama had to unlock the door to get in.

“Are your parents home?” He asked, praying that it wasn’t a sensitive subject. By the look on Kageyama’s face, his hopes were vanquished in an instant.

“No, they’re out of town on another business trip.” He said tensely.  _ ‘Way to go, Shouyou,’  _ he mentally berated himself. Kageyama sighed and got up from his sitting position, making his way towards the kitchen. Shouyou followed closely behind.

Flicking on the light, the other teen asked if Shouyou was hungry. Kageyama opened the fridge before Shouyou could answer. He hated eating human food, especially  _ in front _ of humans because it tasted like horseshit and he had to choke it down like it tasted like normal food. Plus, he’d have to throw it up later or he’d feel sick, as ghouls couldn’t digest human food. But it would look suspicious  _ not  _ to eat… 

“Yeah, I’m starving!” Shouyou said cheerily. Kageyama brought out a couple of packets of spicy chicken ramen. He raised up the packet in lieu of asking with actual words because Kageyama was a monkey who never talked unless it was to scold Shouyou.

“That’s fine.” Kageyama nodded and got out a large saucepan and filled it up with warm water. He clicked on the stove and set the pan full of water on it to boil. In the silence of the kitchen, only having the slightly boiling water as ambiance, Shouyou tried to start a conversation.

“Do you like spicy food, Yamayama-kun?” Shouyou grinned and pouted when Kageyama just shrugged  _ again.  _ He hopped up onto the counter and shoved Kageyama with his foot. He just growled in response. 

“Dumbass, stop it.” Shouyou just shoved him again with his socked feet, and he slapped them away forcefully, a snarl in his tone.

“Stop being such a grump, Grumpyama-kun!” He sing-songed but stopped when he saw the downright  _ murderous _ look on the other’s face. He scooted away on the counter to give the other teen space. Kageyama just took a deep breath and stirred the boiling water. He then ripped open the noodle packets and emptied them into the pot. He heard the dark-haired teen take a deep breath and sigh it out. Shouyou looked at him with curiosity.

“Are you going to tell me why you’re being such a piss-baby?” Shouyou asked evenly and Kageyama growled lowly at the ghoul. Shouyou shot him an unimpressed look.

“It’s because one of my- _ our _ \- friends just got hurt today!” Kageyama finally shouted and Shouyou blinked. He raised a placating hand, trying to calm the other down before he started to annoy the neighbors next door.

“The ambulance said she’d be okay, remember--”

“ _ The hell I care about that!” _ Kageyama snapped and Shouyou dared not to breathe, for fear of angering him more. The sound of the boiling water was almost deafening in the otherwise silence of the small kitchen. Kageyama set the spoon that he had been holding on the counter nearest the stove with careful movements.

“The hell I care about that,” he repeated breathily. Shouyou waited for him to continue quietly. 

“Yachi-san was hurt, by a  _ ghoul, _ ” he said scathingly and Shouyou tried not to tense at the word. “She could’ve been dead if we hadn’t found her!” His eyes were squeezed shut and he was shaking with the effort to not break down.

“But she didn’t die, she’s gonna be okay.” Shouyou soothed and Kageyama’s gaze snapped up to meet his own. His eyes were burning with confused anger. Shouyou gulped.

“And  _ you! _ ” He pointed an accusing finger at the redhead. “You were so calm and you’re still so calm! How the hell are you not freaking out?! Yachi-san could’ve died and all you’ve got to say is  _ “she’s gonna be okay” _ ?! Isn’t she your friend?!” He yelled and Shouyou thought,  _ ‘Wow, I’ve never seen him this mad before’ _ before he could properly digest what he had said. Once everything had sunk in, Shouyou bit his lip and thought for a second before he replied.

“I just… I don’t  _ want _ to think about what happened. What could’ve happened.” He broke eye contact with Kageyama to stare out a small window beneath a dark wooden cabinet. His eyes were a thousand miles away when he continued.

“It’s scary, isn’t it? Knowing that any ghoul on campus could seriously injure us or even kill us.” He said wistfully and Kageyama barely had time to respond before he barrelled on.

“But it’s just the world we live in. It’s just how it is, humans fear ghouls and ghouls fear humans,” he knew he was saying far too much. Hinata Shouyou was a known idiot without the brain cells to be able to even begin to  _ comprehend _ big issues like ghoul and human relationships but he felt like he  _ had _ to say this otherwise he never would. 

“Humans live in fear of something ghouls  _ might _ do, and ghouls live in fear of humans for what they say that they  _ will _ do. Ghouls may be able to play volleyball and go to school amongst the humans, but are ridiculed and are bullied for something that they can’t change. If they’re known ghouls, the chances are slim that they’d actually do anything out of line. And the ones who are hidden wouldn’t risk the safety of being in the dark.” Kageyama was staring at Shouyou as if he had grown another head. 

“Hinata?” Kageyama said in a small voice. Shouyou looked at him and gave a small smile.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to preach at you. Just something I think about a lot,” he admitted and Kageyama nodded dumbly. He didn’t understand and that was fine. He didn’t have to grow up as fast as Shouyou did, and the redhead was happy that he didn’t. 

“I…” Kageyama trailed off. He looked at the window Shouyou had been staring at, watching the clouds move. “I’m just worried about what’s going to happen. To the team. To the school.”  _ “And to me” _ was left unsaid, but Shouyou was just shocked that Kageyama admitted that he was worried. 

“I think everyone is.” Shouyou said seriously. After a few seconds of silence, he pointed at the boiling noodles. 

“Are they done yet?” He questioned and Kageyama nodded. He got out two bowls and set them down on the counter and dished out the noodles, pouring a little bit of broth in each one. 

“Can you open the flavor packets while I wash the pan?” Kageyama asked gruffly and Shouyou hopped off the counter to do just that. He tore the thin-paper packet and dumped their contents into the steaming bowls of noodles. Shouyou felt sick as he stirred the flavoring into the ramen. It smelled wonderful. Shouyou hated it.

Kageyama came over with a couple of forks and napkins, setting them down next to Shouyou where he had hopped back up onto the counter. He clicked the stove off and leaned against the counter. He blew on his noodles and took a loud  _ slurp _ from them. Shouyou internally groaned and brought the steaming ramen to his mouth, blowing on it lightly.

It tasted like a hot steaming pile of horseshit. 

“Thanks Chef Kageyama-kun! It’s really good.” He lied and took another large bite. It was everything he could do to not throw it back up right then and there. The slimy feeling of the noodles slithering down his throat made him want to choke. He smiled brightly at the grumpy teen.

“‘S not that good,” Kageyama mumbled and averted his eyes, his cheeks tinting red. Shouyou grinned impishly at the sight and was about to tease him about it, but thought better of it when he thought back about how much he’d bothered Kageyama that day. They ate their noodles in relative silence after that, only chatting intermittently about volleyball and plays. They avoided the elephant in the room from before like the plague.

After Shouyou finished his (disgusting) bowl of ramen, he set it in the sink.

“I’m gonna go take a bath if that’s okay? I’ll wash the dishes after.” He assured and Kageyama nodded. Shouyou had been in his house enough times to know where everything he needed was and rushed to the restroom after gathering the proper supplies.

He turned on the bath water, then stuffed his hand down his throat to throw up the contents he had just eaten. After a few minutes of this, he flushed the toilet, feeling a million times better now that he wasn’t being bogged down by human food.

He undressed, settling into the bath and stared at the white ceiling. 

_ ‘Today has certainly been a day, huh?’ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me how you felt about this chapter! or the chapters before it! and what do you want to happen in the story? theories? anything! B)
> 
> talk to me through these! also check out more of my works!
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	4. 'Would I?'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata calls his mom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not too happy with this chapter, but i hope you enjoy it nonetheless!

Once Shouyou stepped out of the bathroom, steam following in wisps behind him, he shut the door with a gentle  _ click. _ He had a towel around his shoulders that he was toying with a loose string on. He walked around the dimly lit hallway to the small, steep staircase that led up to Kageyama’s bedroom. He knocked on the closed door, pausing from turning the doorknob when he heard some shuffling. 

Kageyama opened the door, scratching at his stomach underneath his white sweater. Shouyou smiled brightly at him.

“I’m out of the bathroom, Yamayama-kun!” The redhead said cheerily and Kageyama just scoffed and shuffled out of the way to allow access to his room. Shouyou happily launched himself onto the other’s bed, damp hair sticking to the sheets.

“Obviously, dumbass.” He rolled his eyes and Shouyou looked up to mock-pout at the remark. He stuck his tongue out at the taller teen childishly. Kageyama just repeated his eye roll and grabbed his pajamas off of his dresser. 

“I’m gonna take a bath. Don’t be an idiot.” Before Shouyou could so much as squawk at the rude comment, the door was slammed shut. Shouyou sighed and fished his phone out of his (Kageyama’s) yoga pants’ pocket. He typed in his password and went directly to his contacts. He waited to tap on the call button until he heard the bathroom door shut and the bath water start to run. He only had to wait two rings before the other picked up.

“Shouyou! Are you okay?” His mother said instead of a normal, calm introduction. Shouyou flipped over onto his back and stared at the white popcorn ceiling, playing with the loose string on the towel.

“Yes Mom, I’m fine.” He pretended to sound exasperated, not wanting to worry his mother more. A slightly relieved sigh sounded on the other side.

“Good. I heard what happened from a One Call from the school-- what all  _ really _ happened?” She asked and Shouyou sighed, trying to think of a way that wouldn’t make her panic needlessly.

“There was a ghoul attack from a student. They attacked my friend-- you know, Yachi-san?-- and Kageyama and I found her with a chunk bitten out of her shoulder.” He closed his eyes, the morbid picture still in his mind, but with the even more morbid thoughts of him being hungry enough to want to  _ eat _ her. He shook his head and tuned back into whatever his mother was saying.

“I’m sorry to hear Hitoka-chan was hurt,” his mother sounded honestly sad and it dampered Shouyou’s already declining mood. “But the One Call said that the CCG was led to Hitoka-chan by another student. I’m assuming that was Tobio-kun?” She asked and Shouyou bit his lip.

“Yup, right on the money. I stayed with Yachi-san while I told Kageyama to go find someone. I wrapped her shoulder with my shirt because I didn’t know what else to do.” He flicked the loose string with a distracted mind.

“Well, we’d better just hope that the police are the only ones that want a statement from you. You can’t go with the doves to CCG headquarters for obvious reasons.” She said.

“Yeah,” he mumbled. Silence built for a few seconds.

“Hey mom?” He started tentatively.

“Yes?” She replied.

“When are we going to eat again?” He asked, eyes flicking towards Kageyama’s door with no small amount of paranoia, but he didn’t see the doorknob move or hear anything, so he assumed it was still safe.

“Soon, Shouyou. You know how careful we have to be after an incident like this. Doves will be patrolling everywhere for a while.” She replied softly. Shouyou bit his lip.

“But we haven’t eaten in a month! I thought about--” he lowered his voice, “--I thought about eating  _ Yachi _ when I smelled the blood from her wound.” He whispered, shame flooding his voice. He heard a sigh on the other side.

“We’ll look tomorrow night; or try to if everything permits. That sound okay?” She soothed and Shouyou exhaled. He knew there wasn’t much that he or his mother could do about the food situation. It just was how it was.

“Yeah, that sounds fine. Sorry for complaining,” he mumbled.

“Don’t be sorry, honey. I know you’re hungry-- I’m hungry too. And so is Natsu. We understand.” She tried to placate and Shouyou gave a weak smile that hopefully showed through in his voice in his reply.

“Thanks. See you tomorrow morning. Love you.”

“Love you too. Be safe. Call me if anything happens.” She gently reminded and after a quick affirmation, Shouyou hung up and flung himself back on Kageyama’s bed, staring at the ceiling once again.

_ ‘I hate this,’ _ he thought to himself,  _ ‘I hate being hungry. I hate that Yachi-san is hurt. I hate that I’m a ghoul. I hate it.’ _ He went on and on for a few minutes, listing the things he hated. It was therapeutic to complain, even if it was only to himself in his head.

He groaned and turned over onto his stomach and pulled out his phone to play a couple of games, actively avoiding his social media. He didn’t want to see the news and posts about the day’s events filling up his feed. He  _ did _ however pause from playing Minecraft for a minute to check his Snapchat group chat for the team to see if anyone had texted that. He usually had those notifications off because some people (usually him but whatever) texted the chat nonstop some days.

_ Sawamura Daichi _

_ Is everyone alright? _

_ Tanaka Ryuunosuke _

_ YEAH!! is everyone ok?? i heerd ab what happened to yachi-san! i’m gonna beat up whoever did this!!  _

_ Azumane Asahi _

_ I’m alright. I heard that Yachi-san is going to be in the hospital for a while. I don’t know much else. I’m worried about her. _

_ Kinoshita Hisashi _

_ yes, i’m okay. also, tanaka. settle down. the ccg will handle things. you wouldn’t win against a ghoul anyways. _

_ Tanaka Ryuunosuke _

_ i TOTALLY would kinoshita! dont doubt me! _

_ Kinoshita Hisashi _

_ok._

_ Sawamura Daichi _

_ Quiet, you two. Hinata and Kageyama, I heard that you guys were at the scene from some other students. Are you two alright? _

_ Tsukishima Kei _

_ It’s been ten minutes. They’re probably too busy “fighting” to be texting right now. _

Shouyou rolled his eyes at the typical Tsukishima text. There wasn’t a response until a few hours later when Shouyou checked the timestamps on the messages. 

_ Sugawara Koushi _

_ We just got out of questioning. They didn’t find who it was. _

_ Sugawara Koushi _

_ But it wasn’t us! _

_ Nishinoya Yuu _

_ yeah!  _

_ Sawamura Daichi _

_ Okay. Are you all alright? _

_ Ennoshita Chikara _

_ Yes, we’re all fine. _

_ Nishinoya Yuu _

_ has anyone heard from shouyou or kageyama?? _

_ Sawamura Daichi _

_ No. We’ve been trying to get into contact with him but he hasn’t been picking up his phone. Neither has Kageyama.  _

That seemed to be the last message in the chat. Shouyou considered his options before he started typing out a response. He saw Sugawara’s, Daichi’s, and Tsukishima’s little characters pop up on screen, waiting for him to finish.

_ Hinata Shouyou _

_ me n kageyama r fine! we’re having a sleepover actually :P _

_ Sawamura Daichi _

_ Good. Don’t stay up too late, okay? _

_ Hinata Shouyou _

_ will do captain B) _

There were no other responses, sans the rest of the team popping up on screen. Shouyou sighed, exiting Snapchat and locking his phone. He turned onto his stomach and snuggled in closer to Kageyama’s blankets, which smelled (shockingly) like the bed’s owner. Like a mix of sweat, pine tree, and an average man’s cologne. Shouyou felt the day’s events settle deeply over his body and he felt exhausted.

The door then opened, revealing a damp, grumpy Kageyama. His frown was in its usual place, the scrunch of his brows familiar to the redhead. He sat up and gave a stupid little wave to the younger teen.

“Have a nice bath?” Shouyou asked conversationally but Kageyama just grunted noncommittally as he took the shorter teen’s towel off of his shoulders to presumably put in the dirty laundry. Shouyou could admit that Kageyama looked cute like this, his skin a flushed pink from the hot bath water, his hair still dripping wet down his neck because he probably didn’t care enough to actually properly dry his hair. He would have looked almost gentle in his long-sleeved shirt and black, loose sweatpants if it weren’t for the damning glare that was fitted on his face permanently.

Shouyou knew that he probably liked Kageyama, but he had far,  _ far _ too much to worry about rather than some feelings he knew that they wouldn’t be returned. On the off chance they were returned, he would feel worse and worse everyday if he didn’t reveal his nature to Kageyama-- something so big that it shouldn’t be lied about. And what happened if he got mad enough at Shouyou to tell his secret to the authorities? It just wasn’t safe-- nor smart-- to tell Kageyama that he liked him. Plus, if Kageyama didn’t return his feelings (likely), he could be very grossed out (less likely) or be too socially awkward to know how to handle that (most likely). 

“Grunting isn’t a response,” Shouyou reminded the black-haired teen in a sing-songy tone. Kageyama turned his glare towards the short redhead fast enough that Shouyou was surprised he didn’t get whiplash. Shouyou stuck his tongue out for the second time that night. Kageyama rolled his eyes for the thousandth time that night.

“I’m tired,” Shouyou yawned out, “you gonna join me or not?” The redhead scooted over to the wall, patting the bed invitingly. Kageyama quietly made his way over and laid down next to him. He felt warm next to Shouyou’s side.

They settled underneath the sheets, Shouyou facing the wall and Kageyama facing the door. Things were quiet between them for about ten minutes, enough time for Shouyou to feel himself slipping into a dream when Kageyama suddenly spoke.

“Are you okay?” He asked, his voice soft in the quiet of the room. Shouyou shifted and looked at the dark blue of the walls in the darkness of the room.

“Yeah, why?” He replied, and he heard and felt Kageyama turn around to face Shouyou. 

“I just… wanted to ask. You always seem happy even when something awful is going on. It’s weird.” Kageyama admitted and Shouyou was too tired to scoff, but he did try to sound offended when he said his response.

“I’m fine, dummy. I’d tell you if something was wrong, wouldn’t I?” He whispered back.

“Would you?” Kageyama questioned. Shouyou paused.

“Kageyama, I’m tired. Can we talk in the morning?” Shouyou said honestly and Kageyama thankfully shut up after that.

After about five minutes, Kageyama’s breathing evened out and softened, but despite Shouyou’s earlier claim, he felt wide awake.

_ ‘Would I?’ _ He thought, but he already knew the answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me what you thought!
> 
> talk to me through these! also check out more of my works!
> 
> tumblr: [viktory_arts](https://viktory-arts.tumblr.com)  
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	5. Yin and Yang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> searching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating as quickly, i've been catching up on school work. also, i'll be starting back school on monday, so updates may be more sporadic-- apologies in advance.
> 
> anyways, enjoy the chapter!

Shouyou woke up to sunlight streaming through the window. It felt warm on his face. Kageyama was not in the bed anymore, which was surprising, Shouyou was usually the one who woke up before him. The redhead was an early riser while Kageyama usually tended to prefer sleeping in until he had to be woken up. 

Sitting up, he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and saw the time on the clock. It read 8:30 in bold, red letters. It was about three hours later than what he usually woke up from. 

_ ‘I know I didn’t sleep well last night but jeez,’ _ Shouyou thought to himself, scooting his way off the bed.  _ ‘No wonder Kageyama got up before me.’ _ He shuffled to the door and opened it gently. He could then smell fried eggs and involuntarily groaned. He  _ hated _ eating eggs. They were some of the worst foods to eat. They tasted like molting garbage and slipped down the throat like rubber.

He made his way down the stairs then went straight into the kitchen. Kageyama seemed to be absorbed in cooking the eggs-- which Shouyou could now tell were actually omelettes. He could see the stems of tomatoes and the cut off parts of green onions on the counter next to the stove. The blue-eyed teen was watching the frying eggs, stuck in thought. Shouyou could practically feel the gears turning in his head. He tip-toed behind Kageyama and leaned against the counter, Kageyama never breaking his concentration.

“Kageyama-kun?” Shouyou poked him, and the redhead swore that he jumped four feet in the air. His eyes widened and he yelped, before he regained his senses and turned to give Shouyou a fiery glare. 

“What the hell was that for?!” He demanded, his voice a snarl. Shouyou put his hands up in surrender and gave an impish smile as a reply. Kageyama scoffed, rolling his eyes and turned back to the omelettes, which were a golden color and looked delicious. 

Shouyou couldn’t wait to throw it up.

“Aww, you made me an omelette too! Thanks Yamayama-kun!” He said cheerily, getting out two plates from the cabinet. Kageyama’s ears were flushed a curious red.

“Whatever, dumbass. I just didn’t want to hear you complain about how hungry you were.” He turned off the stove and tore the plates away from the shorter’s hands. Shouyou gave him a grin that said that he  _ knew _ Kageyama had a soft side. A heated glare was his reply.

“Get some chopsticks from the drawer.” Kageyama ordered. After Shouyou followed his directions, they went to the small table made for three in the space between the kitchen and living room. 

Once they completed saying their thanks, Kageyama dug in. Shouyou took a moment to steel himself and slipped the well-cooked omelette into his mouth. He chewed as few times as possible then swallowed it down, trying not to let the taste of rotten garbage and rubber show on his face. 

Shouyou always felt bad eating others’ food. He never kept it down, and it was like torture to eat it in the first place. He was just wasting their money on feeding him, but he couldn’t just  _ not _ eat for obvious reasons. Plus, Kageyama had actually worked  _ hard _ on cooking the omelette right by the looks of it, and Shouyou couldn’t tell him that he genuinely couldn’t enjoy it. And Shouyou wasn’t so much of a masochist to force himself to digest the food-- that kind of pain was another thing entirely. 

So, yeah. Eating food generally made Shouyou feel shitty all-around.

“You good there?” Kageyama questioned and Shouyou broke himself from his musings. He blinked.

“Yeah?” Shouyou said it like it was obvious. Kageyama narrowed his eyes but dropped it. After the two had cleared their plates, Shouyou took them to the sink and began to wash them. The sickening taste still stuck on his tongue, even after downing a whole glass of water. He turned on the coffee maker after he asked for Kageyama’s permission.

“Maybe the reason why you’re so short is because you never drink milk and only drink coffee.” Kageyama snarked once Shouyou had gotten a cup of warm coffee and drank it black-- which was a heaven sent after the omelette. Kageyama grimaced when he saw him drink it without sugar or milk.

“How the hell do you drink that? It’s so bitter.” The black-haired teen sneered. Shouyou responded by taking another long, luxurious sip (even though it was close to scalding when it went down).

“What are you, a ghoul?” Kageyama asked and Shouyou almost,  _ almost _ froze but kept drinking before he stopped and looked at Kageyama with a fake light-hearted look. 

“What d’you mean by that?” He asked with saccharine in his voice.

“Uhhh, ghouls can only drink black coffee? Everything else tastes like shit? Ring a bell dumbass?” Kageyama said with an obvious “duh” sound to his tone. Shouyou’s shoulders lost their tenseness. “Why the hell are you acting so weird, huh?” He asked suspiciously and Shouyou rolled his eyes, heart rate finally calming down after the explanation.

“No reason, just was confused why you would ask that,” Shouyou tried to shrug it off, but he still felt jittery.  _ ‘I know he doesn’t know why I’m acting like this, but still, that joke is a poor one,’ _ Shouyou thought and set his mug down.

“Whatever,” Kageyama rolled his eyes, but he spared a glance when Shouyou wasn’t looking at the smaller teen who looked like his chest was constricting in on itself. Kageyama thought it was a strange reaction.

“When are you going home?” Kageyama eventually broke the awkward tension building in the room. Shouyou shrugged and looked at the big grandfather clock in the living room, which read ten-thirty. 

“I’m just going to get dressed and then I’ll head out,” Shouyou said and Kageyama nodded before he went to go sit down in the living room and turned on the TV to the local news. The redhead made his way upstairs, his socked feet padding across the wooden floors.

He borrowed another pair of Kageyama’s clothes, as his pants still had blood on them, and he was just wearing Kageyama’s extra sweater as a replacement for the shirt he had wrapped around Yachi’s wound. He tied the drawstring of Kageyama’s sweatpants tightly up to his belly button and cuffed the bottoms so he wasn’t dragging on them. The redhead brushed his hair and went into the restroom.

Getting on his knees, he threw up while he had the sink water running, which wasn’t much of a buffer, but it was better than nothing. After that morning’s breakfast was flushed down the toilet, Shouyou brushed his teeth, watching the toothpaste and spit wash itself down the drain. He looked up into the mirror, his brown eyes searching for… something. 

Whatever he was looking for, he didn’t seem to find it.

He left the bathroom, grabbed his bags, thanked and said goodbye to Kageyama, then hopped on his bike and pedaled home in the early afternoon sun. Everything felt normal in that moment, and Shouyou appreciated it.

***

Looking for a suicide victim was surprisingly a lot easier than one would think. While the Hinata family did live in a small, rural part of the country, there were plenty of people who had sadly decided to die before their time. This usually happened in the dead of night, so police officers and civilians often didn’t find the bodies until morning, so it was the perfect time for a family of ghouls to gather their food for the month.

Shouyou had come to terms with eating a suicide victim a long time ago. They were already dead, so Shouyou never had to kill them. They would be counted as missing, and while their family (if they had any) would forever wonder where they went, they never had to know that they had died by their own hand. Which was more cruel, well, Shouyou couldn’t answer that. All Shouyou knew was that they were a necessary part of his survival if he didn’t want to be a murderer.

(Though Shouyou’s hands weren’t clean of blood, no. Any ghoul’s before the sanctioned meat substitute rarely were. He had to do it. It was him or the other, and Shouyou picked himself and his family.

Was that wrong? Did that make him irredeemable in the eyes of the humans-- and the ghouls? To kill an innocent for their own survival? Shouyou didn’t know if he’d ever be sure. He just knows that he’s alive and they are not. And that’s really all there is to it.)

Once he and his mother took the body home under the protection of the darkness of a moonless night sky, they cut the body into manageable chunks, split it amongst him, his sister, and his mother, and ate. Ripping into the flesh of another with his teeth, chewing the meat of their skin and muscle and fat, it was all so  _ satisfying. _ The empty pit of his stomach was slowly filling and he could feel his strength returning to him. 

_ ‘I wonder,’  _ his traitorous mind thought as he licked the blood from his fingers and wiped his face with a napkin,  _ ‘if their family will miss them’ _ . Shouyou hoped selfishly that they wouldn’t for his sake, but he also hoped the person-- no  _ body’s _ family would miss them and never stop searching for them. So that the body’s soul knew that they had been loved and cared for. 

Shouyou was brushing his teeth that night. When he spat the toothpaste into the sink, he saw blood mixed into the paste and spit. When he looked up into his black and red eyes, they were still searching. But this time they seemed to have found what it was.

Shouyou hated what he saw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> penny for your thoughts?
> 
> talk to me through these! also check out more of my works!
> 
> tumblr: [viktory_arts](https://viktory-arts.tumblr.com)  
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> twitter: [viktoryyy_arts](https://twitter.com/viktoryyy_arts/)


	6. Silence That Speaks A Thousand Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> School, volleyball, and personal relationships.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> B) enjoy

School was… tense. Everywhere Shouyou walked there were whispers or just plain silence. The atmosphere was strained with grim looks and fearful glances around every corner. Ghouls separated themselves from the humans, the humans sitting or standing far, far away from the ghouls as did the ghouls. They still hadn’t found the ghoul responsible for the attack. 

The dean was in a panic, trying to alleviate the tensions building quickly between the student body. He allowed sports to continue without pause, which some parents were outraged about, but made Shouyou sigh a breath of relief. He could still play volleyball, and Yachi-san was going to be okay. 

Playing volleyball was just as stressful as school, as it turned out. Tanaka, who usually hung out with Nishinoya, was making excuses  _ not _ to. Now, they still got along like a house on fire, of course, but their relationship looked to be more strained. Kinoshita, Narita, and Ennoshita were almost dead silent the entire practice where they once were a source of quiet laughter and snide comments from the sides that didn’t sting nearly as much as Tsukishima’s. They looked like they were mourning something, but so did the rest of the team.

Sugawara, Daichi, and Asahi were all desperately trying to set a good example-- Asahi being his usual panicking, but kind self, Sugawara trying to keep everyone from sinking into some sort of despair, and Daichi acting as the leader they all knew he was. Sadly, not everything was working as well as they thought it would because Shouyou had heard Sugawara talking with Daichi and Asahi one night after practice while he was packing up his bag in the clubroom and they were outside the door. The lights were off so it looked like no one was there, anyways. Shouyou listened in.

“I think I should step down as vice-captain,” Sugawara had said, his voice resigned. Daichi and Asahi made sounds of surprise-- clearly that hadn’t been expecting that. They immediately started to refute the ash-gray-haired teen, but he must’ve done something to make them stop.

“Why do you think that?” Daichi asked. It was a fair question and Asahi mimicked the question. Sugawara cleared his throat.

“I just think that…” he trailed off, “that things have been too, I don’t know, tense? With me as a captain?” The  _ ‘because I’m a ghoul’ _ was left unsaid, but was clearly heard throughout the small group of three. “I don’t… I don’t want to make anyone feel unsafe. With something like me partly in charge. ‘Sides,” Shouyou could hear the fake sugar in his tone, “Asahi’s our ace, wouldn’t it make more sense for him to be vice captain instead of a bench warmer?” Daichi immediately stepped into the conversation.

“Suga, you  _ know _ no one cares--”

“Daichi.” Sugawara stopped him. Shouyou could imagine the shortest of the third-years putting his hand on the captain’s chest, just as he had done so many times before. Sugawara cleared his throat.

“Yachi-san got hurt, got  _ attacked, _ by a ghoul. Nishinoya, Ennoshita, and Yamaguchi are all on edge and so is the rest of the team. They’re starting to segregate themselves. The only ones seemingly unaffected are Kageyama and Hinata, and I think that’s just because they’re too absorbed into volleyball to care about real-world events sometimes.” Sugawara said, his voice somber and bitter at the same time, but with a little laugh at the end. 

_ ‘I’m not too absorbed in volleyball to care about real-life events for no reason, I do it because I’m already  _ too _ into real-world events,’  _ Shouyou thought. Daichi spoke up, breaking the redhead from his musings.

“That’s why it’s so important that you  _ stay _ as captain, Suga. There would be an imbalance of power without you.” Daichi tried to reason and Sugawara seemed to snap.

“There  _ already  _ is an imbalance of power! That’s why this whole thing is happening!” Sugawara said with no small amount of under-the-surface anger in his usually soft voice. “Ghouls may be physically stronger than humans, but there’s no point in that anymore! Humans have all the power now! And they don’t care that we’re people, too.” He whispered. He sounded on the verge of breaking. Shouyou could understand what he was saying.

“Suga--”

“Daichi, I know you’re going to try and make me feel better, and usually I’d appreciate it, but not today. It’s exhausting listening to humans tell me that everything will be okay, that things will change when I can’t hope to think that they will anytime soon. So just. Don’t.” Sugawara snapped and he heard Daichi sigh defeated. Asahi then spoke up.

“Suga?” He whispered.

“What?” He asked sharply. Sugawara was still obviously tense from the little rant from earlier. That didn’t deter Asahi, however.

“I think you being a captain means a lot to the other ghouls on the team. I don’t know, you kind of like,” Asahi paused, trying to grasp for the right words. “You set an example for them. Like you said, having to listen to a human is exhausting sometimes. You being there gives them someone higher-up to talk to. I mean, if you really think that stepping down as captain is the best call, you obviously can go ahead. But I think you help them a lot more and give them an understanding much better than Daichi or someone like me ever could.” He finished and there was quiet following the statement. 

“I… guess you’re right.” Sugawara said carefully. He sighed, and his voice sounded tired. “I’m sorry for being so whiny and rude. Everything’s just been a lot recently.” He apologized and the tense atmosphere from outside the clubroom seemed to dissipate slightly. 

“Don’t be sorry, it  _ has  _ been a lot recently. I can’t imagine how hard it’s been for you and the others,” Daichi said solemnly.

“We’ll get through it, somehow.” Sugawara responded with a tired smile in his voice.

“We’ll get through it with you as vice-captain?” Asahi questioned and a short chuckle was his response. The sound of a high-five, a couple of laughs, then footsteps that led them away from the clubroom. Shouyou leaned against the wall and picked at the sewn buttons on his school knapsack in thought.

_ ‘I know how Sugawara-san feels,’  _ he mused,  _ ‘having someone tell you things are going to be okay when they’re nothing but meaningless words is tiring. Especially from humans who don’t understand.’  _ His mind went quiet at that and he stared blankly at the cubbies for the team’s gear silently.

He eventually left though, knowing Kageyama was probably waiting on him. That idiot had been walking Shouyou home every night for the past few weeks out of concern that they would get attacked by some random ghoul. It was kind of him, Shouyou assumed, but overall unnecessary. If they were to be attacked, Shouyou would have the upperhand rather than Kageyama. The human didn’t have a kagune and Shouyou did.

Shouyou’s kagune was an ukaku type, one that bursts from his shoulders or upper back and focused on many quick attacks, though they weren’t that strong against another ghoul. Ukaku types were generally fast, like Shouyou was, but didn’t have that much stamina. Shouyou had pretty decent stamina… unless he had his kagune out. Since he didn’t get to eat that often, he often got fatigued quicker from using his kagune since it often meant he was fighting if he had to use it. 

Kagunes were something that had interested Shouyou when he was younger. They were the hardening of RC cells and were often called “liquid muscles” since they could change shape or harden into glass or metal-like points. He had read many articles on what they were when he was little and he had wanted to understand what he was better, in more technical detail. Ghouls were one of the few subjects Shouyou knew a lot about-- sans volleyball, of course. 

His mother found it to be important that he knew how to use his kagune.  _ “Without control, you could seriously injure or kill someone if you ever find yourself in danger, or over emotional” _ she had once said. She had taken him to abandoned garbage dumps in other parts of the country to practice. His kagune was much akin to any other ukaku type, resembling a bird-like wing that was a bloody red color and spanned out farther on his right than his left. The wingspan of it was about nineteen feet when stretched to its limit. The bloody red “feathers” on them would ebb and flow contained in an ever-changing container until they were willed to be sharpened into points, which then could be shot out like a volley of arrows. He had practiced until he was competent with his kagune, enough so that if he were ever in a fight he could hold his own, or if he ever had to hunt and didn’t want to kill by hand or by gun.

Anyways, Shouyou was touched that Kageyama cared enough, or worried enough, to walk Shouyou home in fear of an attack. Sure enough, when Shouyou got to the gates, Kageyama was standing there, tapping his foot impatiently. When he caught sight of the short redhead, he stomped his way over, obviously about to give him an earful.

“What the hell took you so long?! I was beginning to wonder if you went to the restroom and died or some shit,” Kageyama exclaimed and Shouyou’s eyebrows rose.

“You think I would’ve just… died? In the restroom? For no reason?” Shouyou tried to clarify and Kageyama flushed a brilliant red. His arms shot out and he gripped Shouyou’s hair with a deadly amount of strength. 

“Ow, ow, ow! Stop it! You’re gonna make me go bald, dumbass!” Shouyou squealed and batted his hands at Kageyama’s, which eventually led to the end of the abuse of his hair follicles. After shooting Kageyama an unamused glare, which was met with one of his own, Shouyou sighed. He gripped the handlebars of his bike and looked at the other teen as they started to walk down the dimly lit road.

“You know you don’t have to walk me to the intersection, right?” He asked and Kageyama grunted, turning his head to the side and mumbled something so quiet Shouyou couldn’t hear.

“What?” He poked and prodded at Kageyama’s side, which was promptly stopped when a large hand gripped his and shoved them away. 

“Quit, idiot. I know that I just,” he paused, looking at the ground like he wanted it to swallow him up, “I don’t want to hear about how you got hurt or… worse.” He trailed off. Shouyou didn’t like him looking so severe if it wasn’t about volleyball.

“I won’t die, Kageyama. Nothing’s going to happen when we split ways.” Shouyou assured and Kageyama glanced at him, his eyes filled with a million emotions. There were too many for Shouyou to pick apart. Finally, he just sighed and looked ahead.

“I’m still going to walk you to the intersection. Who else could be my partner?” He asked, his cheeks a visible light pink even in the scarce light provided. Shouyou gaped for a moment before he closed it and remembered what he had thought at their sleepover a few weeks ago.

_ ‘It would never work without honesty, and I could never be honest about this.’ _ So he took the maybe-confession and filed it under things that he wouldn’t touch with a twenty-foot pole.

The rest of the walk was in silence. Side by side, they made their way to the intersection and split up. Shouyou couldn’t help but notice that Kageyama’s eyes looked shiny. He also couldn’t help but notice that his own were growing heavy with tears.

Some days Shouyou hated that he was a monster hidden among humans. But never did he hate that fact more than he did at that moment.

With a heavy heart and teary eyes, Hinata Shouyou pedaled home in the darkness of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> expect a new pov next chapter B)
> 
> talk to me through these! also check out more of my works!
> 
> tumblr: [viktory_arts](https://viktory-arts.tumblr.com)  
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	7. An Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama's point of view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a quick chapter outlining one of our main supporting characters!

Tobio was never too into the whole ‘ghoul movement’. He  _ was _ only about seven or eight when it happened, so he didn’t really understand what the big deal was. But his sister, Miwa, was a different story. Miwa had gone protesting and had a bit of her savings from working as an ameteur haristylist set aside for charity funds for the movement. She often held debates with Tobio’s parents about them. His parents were much more… fearful of ghouls and the idea of them integrating into human society scared them. 

Tobio hadn’t realized until a few years later that Miwa’s boyfriend at the time was a ghoul, and she had accepted him before the meat substitute was even distributed. She had accepted him for what he was, who he was, long before society had. She had loved him deeply, and even though they eventually parted ways due to him moving to go to university, they still stayed in touch. Tobio still thought Miwa would have loved him, even after all this time.

Eventually, Miwa moved out of the house since she had found a stable and promising job up in Tokyo. She barely said goodbye to her family, Tobio being the exception. She had hugged him for one of the few times in his life and given him a sisterly kiss on the forehead, then bid him farewell and moved on from Miyagi.

She then was killed by a ghoul attack. A gourmet eater had their way with her, and they were eventually captured and put to death. But that didn’t mean much to Tobio-- his only sister was gone. 

When Tobio had heard the news, he almost,  _ almost _ turned to hating ghouls. All of them. But he realized that his sister wouldn’t have wanted that. It wasn’t every ghoul that had killed her; it was just one. It’d be like trying to hate every human in the world if one had killed her. It didn’t mean that he wasn’t bitter or wary, but he could try and find it in himself to try and live what his sister had preached about. 

Sometimes, Tobio wonders if he  _ should _ look into the ghoul movement and what it meant to them. His fellow human teammates at Karasuno certainly weren’t being mindful (which says something if  _ Tobio  _ of all people realized someone wasn’t being mindful), besides a sparse few. 

Then the unknown ghoul attacked Yachi and sent the school into a frenzy of anti-ghoul sentiment. Tobio almost found himself being swept up into their turmoil, but surprisingly,  _ Hinata _ of all people broke him from his thoughts and made him actually  _ think. _

_ “Humans live in fear of something ghouls might do, and ghouls live in fear of humans for what they say that they will do. Ghouls may be able to play volleyball and go to school amongst the humans, but are ridiculed and are bullied for something that they can’t change. If they’re known ghouls, the chances are slim that they’d actually do anything out of line. And the ones who are hidden wouldn’t risk the safety of being in the dark.” _ Hinata had said. What the hell had he been going on about? When did that idiot become so… cognizant? When did he become so aware of his surroundings? 

_ ‘It was so out of character of him to say something like that,’ _ Tobio had thought that night as he bathed, the mumbles of Hinata calling someone sounding through the walls, though they were too soft to be able to decipher them. 

But was it?

Was it really so out of character for Hinata to think about these things? Could Tobio, someone who’d known Hinata for less than a year, make that call? Despite calling himself the middle blocker’s best friend, and having the other call him that in return, could he really say that he knew him that well? 

Tobio didn’t know, and after his confession being rejected by  _ his _ silence, Tobio didn’t know if he ever would. He was so sure that Hinata had felt the same, that those damned butterflies that lived in his stomach and moved around so much around the other that it made him feel like vomiting. Hinata turning a brighter red than his hair, his eyes shining with that stupid gleam that made Tobio gag with how heartfelt it was, all of it wasn’t the way Tobio had wanted it to be. 

The worst part was that Tobio didn’t think that was the answer Hinata wanted to give, either. He didn’t know for sure, though. He didn’t know if it was just because he was upset that the only person Tobio had allowed into his space since his sister had died rejected him. He could hear Hinata’s muffled sobs when he rode away. He could see his tense shoulders, his lip being bit into little more than a bloody flap of skin. He could feel Hinata’s internal turmoil. But that damning silence was the only answer he got. 

He didn’t know if being satisfied with the answer was winning or losing.

And he hated losing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> like i said, it was quick but i hope y'all enjoy it :)


	8. Snap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata finally snaps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AWOOOOGA.

Practice continued to be tense, even more so now with Shouyou and Kageyama having strained their relationship. The third-years, especially Daichi and Sugawara, tried to keep the peace. Tanaka was quiet, which was abnormal and put everyone else on edge. And with their loudest member quieting, the second loudest, Nishinoya, also went almost silent. Everyone could see the rift growing between the two best friends and no one knew how to fix it. 

Shouyou wondered if everyone could feel the tightening of the rope that wrapped itself around his throat, choking him out. Volleyball was his safe place, the place where he didn’t have to focus on surviving, only not letting the ball touch the floor. But it was becoming a distorted and ugly caricature of what it formerly was. Kageyama avoided him when he could and barely looked at him. Barely corrected him either. Yamaguchi was quiet and stuck around Tsukishima for the most part; the blond pretended to not mind it but everyone could see how Yamaguchi’s dour mood was wearing down on the taller teen. 

Kiyoko was never much of a talker, but without Yachi in the picture, she was deathly silent. Her mouth never moved, her vocal cords never forming words, whatever they called it, she was that. 

Ennoshita, Narita, and Kinoshita were a small group of themselves and were also hushed. They seemed fine for the most part, but even more removed than normal from the club. 

Ukai and Takeda were doing their best to break the silence in the gym. Takeda would try and say something inspirational, something along the lines of teamwork and how it made the dream work or some other shit that would’ve made them feel better  _ before. _ Ukai tried to keep the practices as normal as possible, doing regular drills and small team bonding things. They helped a little, but they merely chipped off the slightest bit of the giant iceberg growing between the whole team.

One day, Shouyou finally snapped.

He couldn’t tell you what made him do it. The deafening silence, maybe? Perhaps it was the friendships he saw breaking before his own eyes. It could’ve been something as simple as he just had enough of his safe place crumbling into the ground before his eyes. Whatever it was, when it broke Shouyou, it  _ shattered  _ him.

It was an average day when it happened, really. Morning practice was how it had been for the past few weeks. School was as boring and as stressful as ever, with the added bonus of another third-year human ridiculing an underclassmen ghoul in the lunchroom for all to see. No one did anything, either. No scolding by the staff or by other students. They just let it happen.

But whatever, that happened almost daily so what was the big deal? Shouyou just tried to keep his cool and move onto his next class. He didn’t care. He didn’t even know the ghoul.

(He felt awful that he felt  _ happy _ and  _ relieved _ that it wasn’t  _ him.  _ He was glad no one knew. He never had to deal with what was happening. He could just be a bystander.

Maybe that’s what made him a monster.)

Anyways, he finished his last class and walked to the clubroom, naively hoping that a certain boy would be waiting at the doors to race him as he had done so many times before.

He wasn’t. 

_ ‘It doesn’t matter,’  _ Shouyou assured himself as he walked into the clubroom and saw that Kageyama’s bag was already unzipped, signaling that he had already been in here. Shouyou simply just stared at the bag before he walked by and changed into his own practice clothes. 

After he had filled his water bottle at the drinking fountain, he made his way to the gym. Kageyama wasn't there.  _ ‘He must be at the outdoor courts. It  _ is  _ hot in the gym this time of year.’ _ He reasoned and just started bumping the ball against the wall. It was lonely. Shouyou was lonely.

Then practice eventually started, all of them stretching alone. No one touched each other to help them stretch, even though they were supposed to. It was like it was a silent agreement not to invade each other’s space. Shouyou hated it. He loved the casual touches they used to have, from high-fives to the ruffling of his hair. Or the warm feeling of another’s hands on his ankles as they leaned his leg back as far as it could go to stretch the backs of his legs. He missed it with a passion. And he was sore.

Then they started their warm-ups; simple receives and serves. Shouyou was partnered with Ennoshita and apologized profusely when his serve hit Ennoshita square in the face when the other wasn’t paying attention.

“It’s fine, Hinata,” he smiled as his eyes watered, holding his nose gently. It wasn’t fine. Shouyou should be better than that. Shouyou should’ve been hearing an earful from his supposed best friend at that moment, berating him until Shouyou hit him or Daichi glared. He should’ve been hearing snickers from Yamaguchi and Tsukishima and the boisterous laughs from Nishinoya and Tanaka.

But there wasn’t a single peep about it.

And that’s what crushed Shouyou’s silence.

“Really?! Is no one going to comment on how lame that serve was? Or ask Ennoshita if he’s alright?!” Shouyou fumed and everyone stopped to look at him. Ukai was giving him a knowing look. The redhead ignored him, instead barreling on.

“Is this  _ really  _ Karasuno?! “The Flightless Crows” my ass! It seems to me that we’re cutting our own wings off right now!” Shouyou shouted and Sugawara exchanged glances with Daichi before he stepped forward and towards the short middle blocker.

“Hinata-kun--”

_ “No!” _ He yelled again and closed his eyes, feeling them start to tear up with anger-filled tears. He should stop. He can’t.

“I’m so tired of this,” he admitted to them, his voice cracking with emotion. “I’m so tired of seeing everyone here stop being friends over stupid things! I  _ know _ Yachi-san was attacked, Kageyama and I were the ones who  _ found  _ her!” He stressed. “Do you think that she wanted this to happen afterward, once she was found? Seeing the team she loves so much break apart because you guys can’t trust each other over something the other can’t control!” He was thrusting his arms into the air, waving them around irately. 

“Yeah, we have ghouls on our team. Yes, they’re stronger than humans. Yes, they can eat humans. No, they’re not going to attack you just because of what they are!” Shouyou cried out, his tears finally falling from his eyes, dripping onto the wooden floors of the gym. 

No one spoke for a minute. Then…

“He’s right,” Tanaka said, surprising everyone. He looked down at the floor with shame and guilt written on his face like a page in a book. He bit his lip and then looked up at Nishinoya.

“I’m so sorry, man. I wasn’t thinking straight. It was really fucking shitty of me to ignore you.” He apologized and the short libero blinked. He opened his mouth but Tanaka interrupted him.

“Don’t say it’s okay. It wasn’t. Isn’t.” He clenched his fists and Nishinoya nodded. He gave Tanaka a huge, toothy grin and went over to the other to slap his back roughly. Tanaka laughed.

“Glad to have you back, man. Now stop being all mopey, it’s weird as hell!” He joked and just like that, the tension in the room subsided a little bit. Everyone started to whisper amongst themselves, some of them being apologies, some of them being assurances, all of them more than the gym had heard in weeks.

Shouyou was wiping tears from his eyes when he was approached by Sugawara, Daichi, and Asahi. He sniffled and put on a weak smile when they stopped in front of him. They all glanced at each other. Daichi cleared his throat after a couple of awkward seconds.

“Thank you, Hinata. We, uh, didn’t really know how to approach it,” Daichi admitted and Shouyou shook his head.

“I’m sorry for the outburst,” he said and Asahi gave him a timid smile.

“I think we needed it.” He said it so earnestly that Shouyou felt his cheeks heat up in a red flush. Sugawara chuckled and gave him a huge, genuine smile. The redhead tried to return it, but he felt too drained to actually do it. Asahi just clapped him on the shoulder.

“You’re a good one, Hinata. As expected for the future ace of Karasuno.” Shouyou could  _ feel _ his eyes sparkle at that. His lips pulled into a flustered grin and he stuttered out a thank-you to the third-year.

What Shouyou didn’t realize, however, was that the deep blue eyes that he had wanted to look at him for so long were now staring at him intently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed the chapter! i'm trying to write this when i have a spare moment, but i'm behind on a lot of work so it's been hard trying to squeeze it into my schedule, but idc. i love writing this story! i hope you enjoy reading it!


	9. Ghoul Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...

Yachi came back two weeks after the team finally started to get back into their rhythm. She was bombarded by humans in the halls, asking if she was okay. She, in her timid nature, squealed and ran away, but most people were used to that. Ghouls approached her and she kindly answered their queries the same as if they were human-- she didn’t act any more or less anxious around them, which surprised most of the student body. 

The girl was, for the most part, acting normally. If she was a bit quieter around people and her gaze was a thousand miles away some days, no one mentioned it. She avoided contact with people, but she was never the most tactile of people anyways. There wasn’t a peep of a rumor about her in the beginning, just people asking if she was okay and if she knew who did it, to which she said that no, she didn’t know. The doctors had told her that her memory was fuzzy due to the blood loss and probable trauma associated with being a victim of a ghoul attack. 

Tanaka and Nishinoya seemed to become Yachi’s personal bodyguards. She never walked to practice alone after she got back, the second-year duo made sure of that. Kiyoko was always near her during practice and walked her places if Yachi had forgotten something in her locker or a classroom. Yamaguchi also invited her to sit with him and Tsukishima when Shouyou and Kageyama were too busy arguing or playing volleyball to notice her absence. Shouyou always biked her to the train station, Kageyama and him walked her to the intersection together before Kageyama had to depart. 

All in all, everyone was far less on-edge when Yachi had returned, with the exception of Yamaguchi who always looked two seconds away from crying when Yachi wore a tank top in the oppressive heat of the gym when the heater was on and she was sweating buckets. With her shoulder bare, her freshly regenerated pink skin was on display and the uneven marks of the exterior organ being ripped away was shown. Everyone tried their best to ignore it; they knew how self-conscious the girl got.

Shouyou was, for the most part, content. The tensions at school were cooling down now that Yachi was back. Not by much, but little by little, the humans and ghouls were slowly slipping into a more normal routine. Volleyball was fun again, Kageyama was talking to him, and he had gotten a decent grade on his math quiz.

Everything was going right in Shouyou’s world at that moment and he couldn’t be happier if he tried.

***

Shouyou didn’t like to believe in fate. That it was fate for Yachi to get attacked, that it was fate ghouls to become lesser in the eyes of society. He thought that fate was scary-- that it meant all the bad things that happened to people and to him were unavoidable. Fate was so concrete, and Shouyou hated unchanging things. 

(He liked to believe that it wasn’t fate’s doing when he saw that volleyball game with the Little Giant. He liked to think that it was just another part of his life that he got to choose to see.)

So when a ghoul, delirious from hunger came upon him and Kageyama, Shouyou chose not to believe that it was fate. That it simply was just a happenstance. 

Walking to the intersection was usually such a relaxing ordeal. That day, Yachi’s mother had been able to get off work early and took the girl home by car instead of making her walk to the station, which just left Kageyama and Shouyou walking side-by-side. The silence they had going wasn’t awkward, either. If anything, it was comfortable. Shouyou was glad that him denying Kageyama’s confessions wasn’t the end of their friendship. The redhead loved him too much to consider what it would be like to live without him now.

They were about halfway to the intersection, turning down a country road that was barely driven upon, when they heard it.

Running footsteps. 

They didn’t think much about it at first, sometimes people took late-night jogs. Then they heard the gasping, raspy voice accompanying the voice. 

_ “So hungry… so hungry… hungryhungryhungry…”  _ Shouyou stopped right then, as did Kageyama and they both turned around to see a young ghoul, about their age or older, sprinting wildly towards them. His kagune was out, three long tentacles of differing sizes all poised to attack. Shouyou’s eyes widened. The kagune whipped out to impale Kageyama’s body. Shouyou reacted.

_ “Kageyama!” _ He shouted as he shoved the stock-still boy out of the way, thrusting his entire body’s weight into moving him. Kageyama shouted as he went down into the hard asphalt of the road. Kageyama’s eyes were wide and his pupils dilated to pinpricks even in the darkness of the night with fear. 

“Hinata! What--” He tried to catch his breath, as if he had run a three mile marathon rather than being in a life-or-death situation. Shouyou whipped his head to the ghoul who was steadily gaining on their sitting-duck position. 

“Shut up, we have to  _ go! _ ” Shouyou shouted as he grabbed Kageyama’s hand and dragged him up, but not fast enough to avoid the whip of the psychotic ghoul’s kagune. He cried out as his arm stiffened with pain, blood pooling around the wound. Kageyama scrambled to his feet and pulled Shouyou from his shock by viciously tugging on his unhurt arm. The advancing ghoul stopped and sniffed the air, his eyebrows shooting up.

_ ‘A ghoul’s blood smells different.’ _

“You…” He started and Shouyou tugged himself out of Kageyama’s iron grip with a force that he shouldn’t have been able to do with his size. He launched the bag from his shoulders into the stunned ghoul with as much strength as he had. His heart was beating rapidly. 

The ghoul grunted with the force of the bag, and Shouyou just started sprinting. He couldn’t attack the ghoul with Kageyama there! They’re only bet was to make it into town where a CCG agent could detain the ghoul. Shouyou felt like crying when he heard the running footsteps of the ghoul resuming his chase.

Run.

Just keep running.

Run.

He couldn’t breathe.

Run.

_ Crash. _

_ “Hinata!” _ Kageyama screamed. Shouyou had tripped in his haste to speed up even faster. Which meant that Kageyama had stopped too. To help Shouyou.

Laughter rang out from the ghoul when Kageyama stopped. The tentacles were whipping out again, then almost as quick as a bullet, they went to impale Kageyama. 

Shouyou leapt up.

_ Painpainpainpainpainpainpainpainpainpainpainpainpainpainpainpainpain. _

A tentacle of a kagune was stabbed through Shouyou's stomach. He could feel his stomach acid leaking into his other organs as blood dripped onto the ground. The coppery tasting red leaked from his mouth and he gagged on it, it was choking him. 

“H-Hinata…?” Kageyama mumbled as Shouyou was suspended in the air by the kagune. He was still besides the gagging of bile and blood that his throat was doing. Kageyama fell to his knees in shock.

_ “Nononononononononononono.”  _ Kageyama muttered on repeat as the ghoul rushed forward to lap up the blood Shouyou was spilling, his growling stomach finally being sated by the disgusting meat of a ghoul. The ghoul turned to him and grinned, a crazy look in his black and red eyes. He started to make his way towards the kneeling and crying boy.

A choking scream.

The sound of a crumpling body.

Kageyama looked up to see Shouyou’s small stature standing over the ghoul’s body, bloody red wings stretching from his back in a wide arc. There was a bloody hole through in his shirt that revealed his stomach that already looked half-healed. The ghoul on the ground was twitching with feather-like  _ things _ sticking out of his throat before he suddenly stopped.

Shouyou turned his head to look at the other boy. His mouth was covered in blood and bile. His nostrils were flaring with each heavy breath that he took. Kageyama sucked in a breath when he saw his eyes.

Two black scaleras with crimson iris’ stared back. 

Ghoul eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry.


	10. The Importance of the Word "We"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The immediate aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so so so sorry for taking forever to update! i've had midterm exams this week and four basketball games as well. i tried to get this out as soon as i could, but things just kept getting in the way.
> 
> anyways, hope you enjoy!

Shouyou stood over the dead body of the ghoul, blood puddling on the ground and sloping itself downhill as the cracks in the road filled with the red liquid. There was the sound of two people breathing and the thick tension between them. Kageyama looked to be in shock, his face only moving to twitch when it realized it couldn’t stay in the same expression forever. The human was trembling, eyes wide and filled with so many emotions that Shouyou couldn’t name them all. The ghoul felt his kagune fold back up into his back. 

Everything was so, so still. 

“...Hinata?” Kageyama finally managed to grind out. Shouyou blinked, hoping his eyes were back to their usual brown. By the way that the other still looked gobsmacked, probably not. Shouyou made a single step forward, tentative and shaky. Kageyama recoiled as if struck. Shouyou froze, his eyes filling with tears.

_ ‘This can’t be happening.’ _

“Kageyama…” Shouyou whispered, his voice lost in the catching wind. The sky was crying in time with the ghoul, fat tears racing down his cheeks. The blood was runny as it started to mix with the rain, sliding down the street like a rushing river. Every droplet of water felt like a mixture of ice and fire on his skin.

“Kageyama, c’mon, you’re gonna get sick…” Shouyou was pleading, begging, for Kageyama to move. To either run away or scream at him. For him to do  _ something _ other than sit there in the middle of the street. The ghoul wanted  _ so badly _ to just walk over to Kageyama like nothing had happened, like Kageyama hadn’t just seen him kill another living being, like he hadn’t just seen him as a ghoul. 

A monster.

“...How?” The human spoke so softly that it was severely muffled by the pouring rain. Shouyou shrugged helplessly and his voice was thick with emotion, cracking on every syllable when he responded.

“I’ve always been a ghoul. Please,” he begged again, “Kageyama please please  _ please _ believe me when I say I’m not going to hurt you. We have to  _ go. _ ” And they did, the neighbors nearby couldn’t have missed the blood curdling screams that the three of them had let loose. If the doves showed up, it would be over for Shouyou, if it wasn’t already. Kageyama knew--

Oh, God.

“Kageyama!” Shouyou shouted and the human finally,  _ finally _ broke free from his shock. He blinked and looked from the still cooling corpse to Shouyou. He looked conflicted. 

“Kageyama…  _ please _ …” Shouyou felt weak. His eyes were puffy and blurred from a mix of the rain and tears. A multitude of emotions were swirling around in Kageyama’s eyes; the most prominent of them being fear and confusion. Shouyou stuck his hand out as a last ditch effort, a final proclamation of… something. Anything. As long as Kageyama stayed by Shouyou.

_ ‘God, please. I’ve never asked for anything in my life and meant it as much as this. Please, make Kageyama take my hand.’ _

After a few seconds? minutes? hours? of waiting for Kageyama to take hold of his hand, Shouyou let it drop slowly. He closed his eyes and prepared to turn around and run, to warn his mother and sister that the doves would be on them soon enough. That they needed to go into hiding, that they needed to leave everything behind all because of  _ him _ \--

Warmth spread from his palm into his heart when he felt something clasp around it. He opened his eyes to look into Kageyama’s dark blue ones, his human, caring, asshole eyes. They were unwavering when he spoke.

“We need to go, and I’m not leaving you, dumbass.” His grip tightened and so did Shouyou’s. Kageyama glanced one final time at the body on the ground and he shook his head, clearing it, before he nodded at Shouyou. 

_ ‘Thank you. Thank you so, so much.’ _

***

Tobio had never had a real, true friend before. He grew up with acquaintances and his teammates from middle school. He grew up without knowing how to talk to his peers, and it showed. He was brash, hot-tempered, and blunt. He couldn’t smile properly and he barely spoke outside of practices and short conversations at home. 

Once his sister died, he started to become known as the “King of the Court”, a nickname that would become the catalyst for the rest of Tobio’s middle school volleyball career. Loneliness was something the boy became comfortable with. Not happy with, no, but comfortable with. Why fight what fate wanted? He was meant to be alone. His parents were grieving the loss of their daughter and had no time for their still-alive son. Tobio didn’t blame them; how could he? He was doing the same thing. 

Then Hinata Shouyou stepped into his turbulent life and made Tobio realize he wasn’t actually comfortable with being lonely; he was just under the illusion that it was easier than trying to reach out for help when he thought no one was there.

Of course, it wasn’t that simple in the beginning. Tobio was still grieving the loss of his sister, of his teammates and their respect for him, of his parents losing interest in him. He was awful to the shining redheaded boy. He yelled at him, told him he wouldn’t toss to someone who “wasn’t essential to winning” because he hated how much  _ potential _ Hinata had. He was such a good person with natural athleticism, and Tobio thought he was wasting it. He was wasting his chance at doing something great with his life because of a sport he  _ thought _ he loved. 

But Hinata was nothing if not persistent. 

He improved at a rapid rate. He trusted Tobio  _ so _ much he closed his eyes to spike the ball. Nobody had trusted Tobio to do much of  _ anything _ for a long, long time. 

So Tobio became best friends with Hinata Shouyou. It was the natural thing to do, right? To become best friends with your greatest rival, who had become your greatest ally. He spent the night at Hinata’s house more often than he didn’t. Days after days of spending time in each other’s company, squabbling, fighting, laughing, and playing volleyball. 

It was bound to happen when Tobio fell in love with Hinata. How could he not? Hinata was so bright and made living  _ fun _ again. He made Tobio realize there was more to life than volleyball and his dead sister. 

So when Hinata stood over a corpse that  _ he _ killed with that…  _ thing _ that came out of his back-- something that only ghoul’s possessed-- and with those  _ eyes _ , well, Tobio was sent into a state of shock. How could his bright, bubbly, and almost stupidly overly-optimistic best friend be a  _ murderer _ ? How could he lie about being a ghoul when they were legal now? For something that his sister fought tooth and nail for?

But how could he leave his best friend when he looked at him like  _ that _ and  _ begged _ him to accept him and come with him?

He couldn’t. So he didn’t.

He grabbed his best friend’s blood-stained hand and looked him in his monstrous eyes, red orbs in a pool of inky black, and said:

“We need to go, and I’m not leaving you, dumbass.”

And he meant it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope this made up for the long break in between updates :)

**Author's Note:**

> talk to me through these! also check out more of my works!
> 
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